His Point of View

These are the things I wish you would think and realize, 5 years from now.

I can still remember those nights when I call you for no reason. You were always there. After a ring or two, even though I know you want your ringing tone to last because it’s your favorite song playing, you answer my call and I hear your voice, your soft, calming voice. Then we both say our ‘hellos’.

I can still remember how you ask me why I call at an ungodly hour. I just always say, I have no one to talk to, and I know you are always there to talk to me, even if we talk nonsense. We ask each other how our lives have been going, then you tell me your stories and I tell you mine.

I can still remember how you would always say everything is okay. You knew that I have been having a hard time with my miserable life, but by just plainly talking to you, I feel lighter. And I believe you, everything is okay, it will be.

I can still remember how you discovered playing music on your phone while a call is ongoing. You let me listen to the soothing songs that you like. You let me understand the lyrics which I could relate, you too could relate. Although I admit that the songs made me sleepy at times, it was one of my favorite moments.

I can still remember those times when you cannot fully understand what I am saying. But it is okay, because at least, you listened. I know you did, you just cannot hear me properly because of your phone’s problem. I blame your phone, not your ears nor your heart. I thank you for that.

I can still remember the number of hours we talk on the phone. The longest we had was from past midnight to sunrise. And our conversation does not end there, because we still have to send each other messages, our proper way of saying goodbye.

Our proper way of saying goodbye…

It was 5 years ago since you left without any word. No proper goodbyes. I know it is my fault, because I, too, left you hanging without any word.

I can still remember our last conversation when we confessed each other’s feelings. I believed you, and I am sure you believed me, too. I can see that, because of your messages that keep coming for days, until you said you are giving up. It was my fault for not responding, because I was confused if I would pursue you, if I would pursue us.

It was me who initiated everything. The calls, the sweet talks, even that phrase. Everything was okay, until I, too, initiated to just end it without even starting anything at all.

You were there. I was not. I was wrong. And now I’m regretting it. Seeing you from afar having the time of your life pains me because I wouldn’t know how to approach you again, how to call you again, just like how we were.

If only we could have that time again, when we talk for hours, I would be happy to tell you the things I’ve been through. The things you have told me, which I finally did. Everything is now okay, but it still feels incomplete. Incomplete, because I don’t have you as someone to witness it.

These things now feel nothing without you. I hope we could talk again.

I am sorry.

I miss you.