About Depression... again.

Depression has been a talk recently since the passing of Mr. Robin Williams. In some articles I have presently read about it (depression, I mean), there are points in which I both agree and disagree, and whenever I disagree, I can't help but roll my eyes because I personally do not like reading stuff written by people who thought they know what they are writing, but really don't. Most of all, I do not like it when people write stuff about a particular matter without even thinking about the feeling of being in the situation.

Now, you may be asking me, "Who are you to tell us what to think? Why, have you experienced depression before that you think you know what you are saying?"

Well, I have an answer for you. Depression has been my issue ever since I was traumatized by an unfortunate experience that happened more than a month ago. It is recurring, and it is difficult to deal with.

"How are you sure that you are depressed? Did you talk to a psychiatrist about it?"

No, but I have studied things about depression since it was my thesis topic way back in college. I have learned the things that might have caused it, its effects, its real nature, and I can say that I am depressed because I know that it is not just a feeling. It is an illness that could not get out of my system [yet]. Also, keyword: trauma.

"So what's your point in this discussion of yours?"

My point is that, I just hope people will refrain, if not stop, from writing things or telling things about a serious matter like depression as if they know what its nature is. I am saying this not because I studied things about it, but because I know to myself that I have this illness in me which I gained after being traumatized, and I can't help but to shake my head whenever I read or hear things that are not really true, if not factual, about depression. I am saying this because it is very difficult for someone with depression to deal with things happening around him/her especially when he/she feels helpless, too. Most of all, I am saying this because it is very difficult to let other people understand what depression really is for us.

Personally, I do not want to witness the fall of a depressed person because it only adds to my fear and remember the trauma, thus making me helpless and more depressed. However, I also think that it is a good thing to witness one so that we gain fear of death, thus making us courageous enough to continue living and surviving. It is confusing, I know, but believe me when I say that it is very difficult to handle and think about. I just don't know if you will think about it the same way as I do.

Something About My Thesis. NOT.

It has been a year ever since I started reading books about depression. I am not clinically depressed, as far as I'm concerned, but I was reading stuff about it for my thesis - a requirement in the University when I was still studying - which I eventually finished some months ago. I made a "study" (wow, big word) about depression and how it is manifested in literary works.

Anyway, let's not go further. That was just an introduction of what I will be talking about in this blog post.

So, as I've said, I have been reading stuff about depression, either those things talk about clinical depression or depression itself which is felt by some people. Today, I came to this site called "Hyperbole and a Half" owned by Allie, read some of her most recent posts, and then I suddenly realized something about depressed people who write for themselves.

I already said that my thesis was about depression, right? In that study, I found out that depression can be manifested in literary works through the use of metaphors. The author of "Positively Mental", Elvira Mata, who revealed in some of her entries that she suffers from clinical depression, used different metaphors just so she can "unleash" the depression that she was feeling. In other words, she used different images that served as her outlet in her writings.

I will not say more about this because this thesis had given me too much depression while I was doing it. Lol.

Anyway, on the other hand, this blog that I was talking about also manifested depression, not only in her writings, but also in her illustrations. Yes, Allie used illustrations so that she can express her feelings and so that people, her readers, may be able to understand what she is going through, although some of her works could be found out as something "humorous".

To make it simple, Elvira Mata used metaphors for her entries about her depression, while Allie used illustrations. She also used metaphors in her entries, but her illustrations are more visible.

But that is not the only thing I have noticed.

With these writings I have read from two depressed authors, I realized how "ironic" (I'm not so sure but I think this is the more appropriate term) depressed people can be in their writings about their personal experiences with depression. It is because of the humor they can provide in their writings that, of course, for them may not be funny or humorous at all, words that had just "flowed" from their hands. As for normal people, they would notice that humorous language or illustration. At the same time, people who are sensitive enough to realize what they are reading may also find it hard to gasp what the writer has talked about in his/her writing. I am not sure of the reason why they sound or seem humorous with their works, but really, this realization caught me. Now, I really wonder why entries about depression suddenly appear so humorous.

Does this mean that writing is or has become a mask for someone's real feelings that after fabricating the words they have written, personal entries would soon or might become fiction?

I know we already discussed this part in my last year in college. I need to be refreshed.

What I want to know is something about depression.

Maybe this realization of mine would be further analyzed if I will be able to read more entries about depression.

Should I continue this thesis when I get my Masteral degree?

Ha. Ha. Lol.